mortedansleau: (grantgus)
[personal profile] mortedansleau
Do you know how much it hurts to have someone just erasing you from their memory and on top of it trying to force you into doing the same with them?

It's like you log on your lj account and you still have all those beautiful message they sent you except now their name is stroke and there's no way you can reach them, ever. You just don't want to let go of them, you're still reaching for someone who cut you lose that easily.

I just can't let go, I don't even want to forget, no matter how angry, how sad, how nostalgic how moody she makes me feel. I can't just forget about my dearest friend. I mean I tried to move on, creating other accounts, but here I am, alone.

I think being given 3 days to convince someone is way too short.
The stress of having to actually SPEAK in a language you've mostly been writing in, is astonishing; and I'm still not that good at it.
The stress of meeting someone is huge already, a big deal to me.
My family tends to label me as a stress ball, I stress so I am. All so many things I barely knew about myself back then.

I think it's unfair to be given such a short time to show oneself as you are. It was sudden and short and I can't get my head around the fact that I might have lost my dearest friend forever because my words lacked and and I made myself sick to my stomach.

I can't even bound new friendships that deep, I can't get around the idea of being close to someone else who might as well disappear on me. I can't forget about her, I might never move on from the deception I brought onto myself.


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January 2017

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